Women – Dating Red Flag #9

I’m a single mother. My daughter is about three years old. She does not see her father, and hasn’t for over two years. In fact, he now lives many states away. That’s okay.

From time to time, the conversation occurs though…not about her dad, exactly, but about A dad. She goes to school and notices the variance in family structures in those that have two parents. I pat myself on the back; so far, I’ve handled these conversations well, and my daughter is doing wonderfully.

I was having a conversation with a male friend of mine. He urges me, quite frequently, to consider seriously “getting out there” again. I tell him I’ll think about it, but right now finishing my undergrad and nurturing neglected friendships are more of my priority. Sure, I’m lonely sometimes, but for some reason still not entirely enthusiastic about pursing a dating scenario. He then made the comment that it would be good for my daughter…

Which brings me to another red flag for women in regard to dating; this one, however, has nothing to do with the man we are considering involvement with. This one is all about us, ladies.

If you are a single mother, it is a terrible idea to pursue a relationship for the primary purpose of providing a father figure to your child.

First of all, your first order of business is to be the right kind of parent to your child. And being brought up in a single parent household does not need to be such an emotional hurdle, or traumatic situation for your child. All too often, the mother sets up this scenario, and therefore causes the child to feel that way. If you’re always talking about how hard it is to be a single mother (when your child can hear you or catch that vibe) and if you consistently go on about how your child is lacking a father figure, and his or her disadvantage because of it, then the child will feel that disadvantage. Otherwise, he or she probably won’t. In today’s world, several children belong to single parent households. They don’t need to feel like such an outcast anymore.

The primary benefit your child will gain from observing you date is this – the importance of pursing one’s own personal happiness. If your child watches you make an effort at being happy, they will grow up, most likely, to be a person who makes efforts to be happy.

Aside from that, if you’re out there looking primarily for a daddy, you are being unfair to the contestants for the role. You are manipulating a man into believing that his number one point of interest in for a role he’ll fill in your life, as your partner. What you’re really looking for, when you’re out looking for a co-parent, is someone to serve you. Very unfair; now, if someone you date is the type who will become a wonderful father too, then great! And of course, before committing to anyone you date, part of the criteria they should meet is the desire and ability to be a good father.

Just keep in mind what you’re looking for, and that’s a partner.


When Your Relationship Turns Black and Blue

Being in love is one of the greatest feelings in the world. You are with the person you love, the one you want to spend your entire life with, and the one who you cannot see yourself living without. Every day it feels great to wake up with him or her lying next to you. Everything is going well that you cannot even see what is starting to happen next. The man or woman who you thought was the one for you becomes the worst thing that has happened to you.

Interracial Dating Couple

Physical abuse is one of the most difficult forms of abuse to deal with. You feel alone, trapped, and afraid in your own house. You are afraid to tell someone, you pretend that everything is fine, and you begin blaming yourself for the way he or she treats you. Being in an abusive relationship is not the easiest relationship to be in. I believe majority of women and men are embarrassed to admit to a friend or family member that they are being abused by their significant other.

You start to believe your lies that everything is fine. You want to hold on to this man or woman for the public eye. There are many women who do not want to be alone; however, there are plenty of men who thinks the y need a woman in the household. When the mind starts to believe that, that is when you start to suffer. There are many single people in the world today who loves being single and spending times with friends. Nothing is wrong with being a single man or woman. Being single can mean that you are waiting for the right one to come along. It does not mean that something is wrong with you.

Another form of abuse is emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is the worst form of abuse in my opinion. Emotional abuse is when your significant other tries to control you through fears, humiliation, and physical abuse. No one deserves to be treated like that. No matter how old you are or how young you are, there is always an option. There is always a choice to be made. He or she will only do what you allow them to do. He or she may call you stupid, lazy, and make you feel that you are useless. He or she may belittle you in front of your friends or his or her friends. If you continue to let them abuse you physically, verbally, or emotionally, he or she will continue to do so. No matter what form of abuse you’re going through; you should never allow anyone to treat you like you do not matter.

A Relationship is a normal part of life and sometimes it can take all of our energy. There are times when a person is in a relationship and he or she is afraid of leaving. We all have that intuition when a certain relationship is not going to work. However, if the person is afraid of his or her partner, leaving may not sound like the easiest thing to do. Although, making the proper plans can ensure a safe exit out of the relationship. When you are in an unhealthy relationship and are afraid to leave, you have to make the decision to find the best time to leave. Confiding in a sibling, friend, or counselor is a sure way to let someone know what you are planning. The best time to leave is when your partner is not around. If he or she is not around, that is the best time to make your getaway. I know it will be hard to leave certain things behind, but pack your important stuff and get out of there. Being in an unhealthy relationship for a long time can damage a person’s self-esteem. He or she may start to believe the things his or her partner is telling them. Always remember that you do not have to do this alone. If you need help, all you have to do is seek it. Life is too short to be unhappy in an unhealthy relationship.